How come ?

It still hurts so bad after so long ?
It just struck my heart
like a needle
And I really hate the effect it's having on me right now.

I know it was my fault
It was because of my ego
my pride
my immaturity
my selfish acts
and all those mean words that I've said
That was my fault
I was wrong
I'm sorry

I knew it was over the minute you tell me "No"
But you treated me like a stranger
I thought we could be friends
You gave me the cold shoulder
We have known each other for almost 6 years now
How can I just forget your presence just like that ?

You definitely deserve better
Because I am a piece of junk right now
I no longer have the feeling to even care about anything
I've done things that I've never thought I'll do it
I don't even know who am I now
My friend said I'm putting a mask everyday
He told me to show the real me
When I went into deep thought
I don't even know who's the real me anymore
What is the real me ?
How was I before ?
Who I truly was.

You said I've changed
I've changed because of you
It is not your fault
I blame myself for being weak
Now, I'm just a heartless bastard

You've changed too
You were never heartless
You were always kind and thoughtful of others
You curse others to the core
You were never like that
You're starting to become that very girl
that you hated so much
Remember who you really are
At least you see life differently now
At least you appreciate your family now
For that I'm glad

You deserve better
That I know
I've told you that several times myself
Nobody is perfect
So are you

You have forgotten those times I've stood by you
When you went through all those painful experience
of losing those you've loved
And protecting you from dangers
that lurks you everywhere
Supporting you throughout those ordeals
When you thought life has no meaning and cruel to you
The sacrifices I've done for you
Skipping meals to save money
Finding time for you when I do not even had time myself
Traveling far by bus just to get a glimpse of you for a few seconds
It seems all those have no meaning to you now
I thought it was all worth the effort
I guess not after all.

I guess all that really matters were the mistakes I've done
You know I never meant to say those mean words
You know when I'm angry I say things that hurts people
Which is why I've tried to control my temper for a very long time now
But that doesn't matter anymore
It is no longer for you

I bid you well
That slap was really hard
Harder than the one I thought that had struck me
It finally tells me
that I should remove your existence in my memories
Thank you for the good times
The good times that I will never want to remember
Goodbye.

I do wonder what those lies were
As many will know, I never lie to people I care.

CNY ?

I realised I haven't been updating any 'real' post
I miss Penang badly
And everyone there :(

A little update of my time during CNY

My home

Fooood =)

Miss Grandma's home cook food :(

Relatives having lunch

My Mum's kampung :)

Oh this place have a lot of fond memories
Kampung ma, granny's place no toilet
so have to go out shit in this 'external toilet'
which is outside the house and beside the road =.=

Imagine at night if you want to take a pee or shit
have to walk out and pee in the darkness
Last time when I was a child
I rather not pee cause I takut go out in the darkness
as you know la, kampung not much lights wan =.=

Lucky now granny's place got toilet d :)
more advance d the kampung now heeh

My little cousins ! :)
Those cute kids haha

CNY dinner with best buddies :)

Oh I miss this chicken so much :(

This beach is in Penang
Beautiful hor ?
It's a hidden sanctuary, not many Penangnites know about this
Pretty much explained why it's cleaner than most beaches in Penang =.=

There were crabs all over the beach

Crab VS Boo Tatt !

My good friends :)
I miss them :(

There was a fresh water lake as well !
Do you guys in Penang know that ? :)

Oh that looked so wrong =.=

Orang gila semua XP

CNY goverment open house in Penang

Khoo Kongsi
The biggest clan temple in Penang
the Khoo clan :)
If your surname is Khoo,
this is your ancestors' home.

Chief Minister of Penang
Secretary General of DAP
Tan Sri Lim Guan Eng.

Little cute boy dressed up as the 'God of Prosperity'
selling drinks lol
so cute XP

I miss Penang so much :(
There is no place like home



Congrats to my best buddy
Tan Jiunn Liang
who scored 4As in STPM ! :)
All the best for your application into NUS, my friend !

I thought

It'll be worse
at least it didn't really happen
Lots of activities
I guess there just wasn't enough time for me
to really go into deep thought about it
I guess that's a good thing
in a way...

I don't know why
but I just find it really wasted
How can I stop thinking that way ?
I really have no idea
Thinking back
I was a real jerk
A real asshole really
I guess I deserve it

My friends have been really supportive
and I'm sorry I've disappointed you guys
I've always been the one
boasting about this and that
Never thought I'll end up the same fate
This time, I'm the one who's at the bottom

I guess it's just a habit now
An addiction really
My life have changed
My lifestyle to be exact
I guess it just doesn't really matter now
Yes, it's true, I do not love myself anymore
To be honest, I've never really seen the purpose of life
But enough about that,
It's another long debate.
Blame Adam.

It's another day
Another day to remember
Another memory
Another history
I just wish I can knock myself out
so that I wouldn't remember anything
And start everything anew.

Apppleeee! =D

Should I get an Itouch ?



Or an Iphone ?? XP

Choose for me guys :P

I'm really lost lol.

Promoting

A friend's brother's blog ! :P

Go to http://www.ferrabyling.com NOW !

A photo blog by Jenabi's brother !
Lots of Tassie picture
Super awesome !

Have a look and you'll be in Tassie in no time XP

Decided

To do it.

As I was walking
Memories started pouring in
It's like walking down the memory lane
The rain that came down didn't help
It somehow just powered those memories even more

Ahhhh the wind was chilling and strong
Somehow it just doesn't seem to be a good day to go out
But yeah I still continue on
Though I still wonder if it's worth the effort

I realised how peaceful one can be
When he's alone
I was at peace the whole time
Just reminiscing throughout the journey

I am not good in making stuff
But I guess this is the first and last time

Thanks for your comments everyone
Sorry, but I just don't know what to reply.

Should I ?

I really don't know
The date is coming nearer
And I don't know if I should do it
Somehow I have a feeling it would mean nothing to her
What's the point ?

I am just giving excuses to myself
I've told myself that would be the last
That last day
But fuck it
No matter what I say
I can't lie to myself

Friends say follow my heart
What it is for the mind to control your heart
Or the heart over your mind ?
I just don't want to regret
Regret is a terrible thing

I thought it would be easier for me to walk away after being slapped that hard reality
Did many unimaginable things
The moment I just don't care
About anything that is going to happen
Even if it meant my own life
Funny huh how sickening this shit can be

I've said it to be the last
Somehow another last excuse is coming up
Should I just ignore ?
I really don't know
I just don't want to regret....

If you meet her again, what will you do ?
I really don't know
But seeing her smile really makes me happy.