As it came rushing in

it suddenly just felt like old times
the same topic
the same discussion
the same argument

not the best part I would remember
probably the worst
the one that caused the downfall
the one that made it didnt work

I dont know how I got here
neither do I know what to do at this stage
I feel like swaying away
running away

Made me felt I am so different than before
perhaps I'm no longer hoping
I'm tired of going all those bullshit again
And it's coming around again

Meh
I was told this might just be my thing
and not just another shadow of the old
Somehow it is more like that
the images hit me each time it happens

I really don't know what to do now
I'm split in half
I hate this
sigh

I shouldn't be in this
I will not feel bad about this
I will not care about this
There you go.

Sorry for the lack of updates
wasn't busy
just kind of lost the motivation to blog anymore
haha

Just an update
just started my final semester for my degree
it's week 3 now
11 weeks to go

havent been reflecting much lately
is that a good thing am not sure

It got me thinking suddenly
gained a lot of experience
from this overseas experience
opened my eyes to a lot of things
People in the world
humans
weak
emotions
ah, I can go on with this list

I guess it comes to this point of life
where the world just comes up to you
and say
FUCK YOU
right in the face
that's how life is
suck it up

Knowing the sad fact about life
it can be really disappointing
sort of crash that whole wonderful world idea
Friendship
complicated as it is
Most of the time you just see people with mask
masking their face
hidden agenda
Lots of fuckface here
and I mean a lot
Sometimes I wonder is it the place
or just the fuckers

What else can I do
other than just don't give a fuck?
been doing that
and am still learning to continue doing it
I guess it's sometimes just right
to just not get close to anyone
to avoid being disappointed and ditched.

On another matter,
I can no longer speak my heart out
I rather keep it in
and just let it flow in whatever way
I guess it's this mindset
that's been going on in me
for a few years now
After all I've been through,
Guess it has always been
"Just follow the flow"
Where it takes me,
so be it.

It's not the right way I know
Guess it's been stuck for too long
Sometimes past are just past
but it hurts thinking
and it still does
I cant help it sometimes
for that I'm sorry
But one thing for sure
I am expecting too much once again
guess I put too much hope into this
should had never

What can I expect
I know what I would be going through
It's my fault
I got myself into this
no point whining and bitching over it
Oh wells

"Always know that when someone doesn't love u the way u want him/her to, it means he's/she's not loving you with all that he/she has."

There :)

Reflecting

now now, this is just me talking to myself :D
so dont read if you're gonna assume
self reflection
for future reference purpose.

===----------------------------===

I realised I tend to go into deep thought
each time I'm alone
It's been a while since I've done that
quite some time actually
finally found some time to do it
and I re-discovered myself even more

Realising what I listen to
the choice of music
from time to time
Guess it's been in me for a long time now
and part of me is changing back slowly
guess what Jasper said was right
But then again
is it good or bad?
will never know
until I find out myself

I realised as well
how I have this two sides of me
when I'm with her
and when I'm with other people
Guess it just brings the other side of me
when I'm with someone so close
My sister was so right lol

Come to think of it
each time that feeling came
the feelings were just so similar
and it came to remind me
how awful it was before
a silhouette of how it was
guess because of that
it just affects me more

Realising how the my confidence level in such things
just suck to the ground
Once, I thought I was high end in such
Haha
Totally wrong
Guess it took its toll
I'm doubtful
It's hard and weird now
to be sharing things that were once
ONE
when that ONE was the only thing I ever trust

Playful my friend said
Indeed
So true
When that word came into play
it just hit me back
how it attracted yet destroyed me

Ah, the irony
Can't things not be this complicated?
How I wish I can choose what I wish to feel at times
Having two parts of me is hard
A battle torn between each time

Never know which will win anytime
One thing for sure
in time
Only one will emerge victorious.

Holiday~

oopmh!
holiday at last
sleeeeep as much as i want
lots of dinner cooking as well :)
it's been a while

a week of holiday
and I shall have my winter school
bummer
9am-5pm everyday T_T
but I got no choice =/

then I will be heading to Melbourne for a week :D
but but but
results coming out that time :(
scary shit
just reminds me of the day I got my result
when I was in Sydney
scared the hell out of me
sigh
hopefully this time
everything's gonna be all right

heading out for a road trip tmr
for 3 days
:D

Will update more about my life here
havent been taking much pictures
my DSLR feels abandoned
will be taking loads of pictures during the road trip
venturing the places I've went back in first year
when I had a noobie camera :p

Hope everyone's having a good time :)

Adam and Eve

I read a post from a friend the other day
stating

"God created Adam and Eve
NOT Adam and Steve"

I was LOL
so true

Come to think of it
from another example of a current friend
How one would change
from a straight
to a total homo or bi whatever
just because (fine, might be =.=)
of a devastating past relationship

HAHAHHAHAHA

I shouldnt be laughing =.=
but then again
I am super repelled by such people
I dont know why
but it just makes me go
UGH
=_=

I dont mind hot lesbians though
BUT
not TOMBOY LESBIANS THANK YOU VERY MUCH
*i got a feeling my tomboy lesbian friend's gonna kill me for this if she finds out*
but then again, who the hell keep telling a guy
he got less balls than her? =.=

Thank GOD I did not turn GAY LOL
after all those shit
like amazing right? :P

Thank you God :)

Finally it's OVER!

My worst semester yet!
not the worst as in the results
but the worst that I've endured!

Think this is the year I've been working like crazy =.=
stressed out to the max
crazy decision I made
to take two Design Studios lol
but what to do
it was my own fault to have failed in the first place
got to redeem that failure!

hopefully all would be well :D
I cant wait for the road trips to start on
And oh
I finally fell sick =.=
guess my body couldnt take the pressure
of 2 weeks of non stop action and no sleep
taking its toll I guess =/

Oh wells, the life of an architecture student
It was crazy
but I got through it
Semester 2!
Bring it on!

A hectic week

havent slept properly like for a week now T_T
life super upside down
it's been crazy
doing two Design studios is just insane
head's been spinning with designs
even when I slept
I actually dream about the simulation
of my design! :|

At a point of breaking down once
totally wanted to give up
thinking that I cant make it
after realising how much work I need to do
before the deadline
I guess I was just too crazy to think
I could pull off two design studios at once =.=

Definitely one of the craziest shit I put myself through
Hopefully I will get through this one alive :/
Dont want to disappoint my dad no more
So much's been put in
just not worth it if this fails :(

NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS!
RAWR!